First of all, let me preface this review of Kamikaze Pro’s 2nd Anniversary show with two points:
1) I was drunk, and I mean really really drunk. I don’ tell you this to impress you but to warn you that there is definite gaps in my memory. I may get a few things wrong. Hell, I might get it all wrong. Just don’t blame me if what you read is not strictly true. You only have yourself to blame as you didn’t go. I have double checked a few things with my more sober friend but frankly she wasn’t much help at all, so I blame her if what I write turns out to be lies.
2) I really hate Dan Maloney. My one hope from tonight’s shows is that he gets punched in the head. Preferably lots. Preferably hard. Damn Dan Maloney and his terrible hair and his awful singlet.
With that warning I feel like we may begin. Tonight’s show came from the Meadway Sports and Social Club which is fitting for a birthday party as this was where Kamikaze Pro’s first ever show was held. I have no idea how many were there that night but there was a good crowd of both regulars and newcomers were in attendance.
Disappointing lack of jelly and ice cream though. British Pro Wrestling needs more Jelly and Ice Cream.
The show kicked off with “Number One” Damian Dunne and the “Wonderkid” Jonny Storm. It was a great fast paced opener with plenty to hype the crowd up and good work from both wresters to interact with the crowd. Plenty in the audience took the opportunity to remind Damian that he was actually Number Two. The poor soul didn’t seem to be too happy that he was getting booed even though he was the local. That is because Mr Dunne forgot the first rule of British Pro Wrestling and that rule is the Hair rule. Now I accept I maybe making up these rules off the top my head but I will now swear by them and you should to. If you are at a show and you see a wrestler you’re not sure if you are meant to cheer or boo then check their hair out. Look like they go to Tony and Guy? Then my friend, you have just found yourself a heel so feel free to start throwing abuse their way.
Anyway back to the match, both guys got plenty of offense in during a back and forth match with Johny Storm eventually getting the pin.
After a great first match things turned for the worse when out walks Dan Maloney. On the plus side following him out was Tyler Bate and his magnificent moustache. Tyler Bates moustache is truly a wonder among men. It is a thing of beauty. If you have not seen Tyler Bates and his magnificent moustache then stop what you are reading ( trust me, you are not going to miss much) and go Google it.
Magnificent wasn’t it?
This match was absolutely brilliant. I loved every second despite Dan Maloney’s presence and the fact he went for the old fashioned sneak attack. The highlight for me was the 4 German Suplex’s in row from Tyler Bate and his moustache. The pace picked up at the end and Tyler Bate got the pin fall. After the bell rang Dan Maloney attacked Tyler Bate and gave him a beat down. I did try and warn you about him, I really did. Apparently someone came out for the save but if I am being completely honest with you I was outside having a fag. Still Dan Maloney lost so everyone is happy. Except Dan Maloney.
I didn’t think much would top that but the next two matches really did. First up Clint Margera beat Chris Brookes in a no DQ match. This had everything you want in a hardcore match. Nasty looking chair shots while on the top rope and then through a table ? Check. Power bombs into ladders? Check. Kendo sticks getting broken in half? Check. Blood? Check. Chris Brookes even found time to staple a flyer for next months show onto Clint which is a novel way to promote the show but at least the promoters are thinking outside the box. Whatever these two got paid was not nearly enough for the pain they went through. If I would wear a hat I would doff it.
The closer to the first half was El Ligero vs Marty Scurll for the Southside Speed King Title. You know what you are going to get with these two and really was as good as you could have hoped. It was bloody fantastic.
The first half reached such peaks that it was going to be touch to compete and although the second half was great I felt like the show peaked with those last 3 bouts. The second half kicked off with this months import Shanna vs Toni Storm. Before the bout the Zookeeper ring announcer ( I am sure he has a name but I will be dammed if I know it) told us the winner would face Mickie James at the show at August ( they also later announced Magnus. I assume the babysitting costs will be part of the fee). The crowd was a bit subdued for what was a nice athletic match with Shanna picking up the win. The was an intense stare down in the middle of the match between Shanna and an 8 year old girl in the front row. If I was Shanna I would watch out, that little girl looks like she has a hell of a right hook.
Marshall X then retained the Relentless Division Title against MVK Valkabious after both men could not answer the 10 count. I really bloody love Marshall X. If you have not seen him he basically pretends to gangster despite looking like his mom still writes his name and class number on his inside labels. Many wrestlers do their gimmicks with a bit of a knowing wink in they know how ridiculous they are but Marshall X plays it straight and it so much more fun.
The Kamikaze Pro Tag Team belts were then on the line with defending champions The Hunter Brothers beating the Yolo Squad, Omari / Liam Doyle and Mika and Elliot Jordan. I have to admit to being quite distracted for the first 5 minutes and both my friend and Elliot Jordan are both Northern so she decided to nominate him her hometown hero and scream at the top of her voice the whole time he was involved. Now I know where she is from and I know where he is from and the towns are not even vaguely bloody close so I really don’t get it. She must have gone to the Michael Cole school of British Geography. This had all the flippy stuff you could possible hope for and ended up with The Hunter Brothers retaining.
Our headliner this evening was Ryan Smile beating Mark Haskins. Again this was great match and well I have ran out of words to type.
If you are in the area, you really should go check out Kamikaze Pro, it has a great mix of styles with everything covered and you can boo Dan Maloney to your heart’s content. The next show is July 19th and features Abyss taking on Clint Margera in a Monster’s Ball match. Go see it.
I will be the drunk one booing the bad guys. I apologise in advance, I mean no harm.
One last thing…. Dan Maloney is a bloody good wrestler and a great villain.